Thoughts about being alone

Today, I'm wondering about what it means to be alone. What do I mean alone here? Perhaps I should use a word solitude. Dictionary.com (HA!) defines solitude in this way:

remoteness from habitations, as of a place; absence of human activity

As I think about myself in various relationships with many types of people, I couldn't help but to wonder...oh, wait. I'm not Carrie Bradshaw or can NEVER BE AS WITTY AS HER...perhaps I've been watching too much Sex and the City, but I AM on Season 6, so it should be over soon..ahem. Wait, to be honest... I actually think she's a horrible men eating witch in the show, and I really really dislike her character but I digress...

So, the longer I live and get myself in various relationships with people, I realize the importance of a true solitude, away from friends, co-workers, computers, and pretty much everything that makes you feel comfortable on a day-to-day basis. I think a true solitude actually can result in great things, most importantly- self reflection.

The rather cynical poster above assumes that people around you are aware of the purpose of your solitude. Yes, I must admit, writers do go lock themselves up to 'write' for months on end attempting to produce the jewel of their existence. It is a known fact that the legendary screenwriter Paul Thomas Anderson (Writer of Magnolia, Punch drunk love, There will be blood) usually locks himself up for 7-8 months to produce a feature length screenplay. All P.T. Anderson's fanatics know this. However, this kind of a solitude is somewhat intentional and planned; it is a (hopeful) agent for a big change. By doing this, you're hoping that something will happen, to accomplish a goal. This is not what I'm talking about.

The true solitude is having a late night tea alone after 9-5 work day in the kitchen; it is smoking a cig alone sitting on a park bench; it is sitting on a swing alone occasionally kicking sand and getting it in your shoes; it is biking to the beach alone experiencing the sunset; it is laying on your car looking at the stars on a summer night...This kind of somewhat spontaneous, unexpected, yet joyful moments that you spend completely alone can sometimes lead to- well usually train of thoughts. What am I doing here? What kind of a person am I? What is important in my life? Is my relationship working? Do I want to be here? These fundamental questions that would otherwise get shadowed by ephemeral pleasures of life actually get brought out to the light. Suddenly, you might get really confused, sad, perhaps pensive. Oh noes, you are away from Extra Extra, The Hills, House, Lost, Excessive cleaning habits, vanilla ice cream truffles, too nice of ex boyfriends or girlfriends, alcohol, friends, Google, Pandora, facebook, livejournal, blogspot, superficial relationships...

It gets REALLY confusing. But, I think those moments help us to answer the infinite yet sporadic WTFs of your life. Sure, you have some of the questions answered already, but what about the the blank fields in between the answered questions? Or maybe, you don't want to think- that's fine! Just look at the sunset, look at the moon, look at the stars, gather yourself and enjoy it. Had a shitty day at work? Boss micro managing you? Relationships not working well? Married but really want to 'get to know' that waiter? Mom died but don't feel sad? Feel alone despite having plans every day of the week? Can't decide whether to go to get a Ph.D or become an aesthetician? Well, have some tea and get some air but do this alone. Maybe you'll come up with a solution, or a plan instead of talking to 1234123 people about your problems. Gathered yourself a little? Maybe then it's the right time to get other people's advice...and at the end, you will probably appreciate/ value whatever that is important just a little bit...more.