Thoughts about being alone

Today, I'm wondering about what it means to be alone. What do I mean alone here? Perhaps I should use a word solitude. Dictionary.com (HA!) defines solitude in this way:

remoteness from habitations, as of a place; absence of human activity

As I think about myself in various relationships with many types of people, I couldn't help but to wonder...oh, wait. I'm not Carrie Bradshaw or can NEVER BE AS WITTY AS HER...perhaps I've been watching too much Sex and the City, but I AM on Season 6, so it should be over soon..ahem. Wait, to be honest... I actually think she's a horrible men eating witch in the show, and I really really dislike her character but I digress...

So, the longer I live and get myself in various relationships with people, I realize the importance of a true solitude, away from friends, co-workers, computers, and pretty much everything that makes you feel comfortable on a day-to-day basis. I think a true solitude actually can result in great things, most importantly- self reflection.

The rather cynical poster above assumes that people around you are aware of the purpose of your solitude. Yes, I must admit, writers do go lock themselves up to 'write' for months on end attempting to produce the jewel of their existence. It is a known fact that the legendary screenwriter Paul Thomas Anderson (Writer of Magnolia, Punch drunk love, There will be blood) usually locks himself up for 7-8 months to produce a feature length screenplay. All P.T. Anderson's fanatics know this. However, this kind of a solitude is somewhat intentional and planned; it is a (hopeful) agent for a big change. By doing this, you're hoping that something will happen, to accomplish a goal. This is not what I'm talking about.

The true solitude is having a late night tea alone after 9-5 work day in the kitchen; it is smoking a cig alone sitting on a park bench; it is sitting on a swing alone occasionally kicking sand and getting it in your shoes; it is biking to the beach alone experiencing the sunset; it is laying on your car looking at the stars on a summer night...This kind of somewhat spontaneous, unexpected, yet joyful moments that you spend completely alone can sometimes lead to- well usually train of thoughts. What am I doing here? What kind of a person am I? What is important in my life? Is my relationship working? Do I want to be here? These fundamental questions that would otherwise get shadowed by ephemeral pleasures of life actually get brought out to the light. Suddenly, you might get really confused, sad, perhaps pensive. Oh noes, you are away from Extra Extra, The Hills, House, Lost, Excessive cleaning habits, vanilla ice cream truffles, too nice of ex boyfriends or girlfriends, alcohol, friends, Google, Pandora, facebook, livejournal, blogspot, superficial relationships...

It gets REALLY confusing. But, I think those moments help us to answer the infinite yet sporadic WTFs of your life. Sure, you have some of the questions answered already, but what about the the blank fields in between the answered questions? Or maybe, you don't want to think- that's fine! Just look at the sunset, look at the moon, look at the stars, gather yourself and enjoy it. Had a shitty day at work? Boss micro managing you? Relationships not working well? Married but really want to 'get to know' that waiter? Mom died but don't feel sad? Feel alone despite having plans every day of the week? Can't decide whether to go to get a Ph.D or become an aesthetician? Well, have some tea and get some air but do this alone. Maybe you'll come up with a solution, or a plan instead of talking to 1234123 people about your problems. Gathered yourself a little? Maybe then it's the right time to get other people's advice...and at the end, you will probably appreciate/ value whatever that is important just a little bit...more.

Grace/Seoul

Grace said she spent most of her time in Korea. I asked her a simple question of,

“Oh, what reminds you of Seoul?”

I honestly didn’t expect a long answer, but this is what Grace said to me,

“Seoul is my home. It is the place I remember when I listen to Korean ballad music; when I stare at the sizzling Korean bbq right in front of me; when I drown my sorrow in soju; when I sing my heart out at a Korean karaoke place in K-town; when I meet a Korean dude to drink soju with; when I watch Korean game shows that are just so, amazingly atrociously funny; when I smell city trees after a heavy rain; when I experience humid summers; when I encounter rather greasy and typical middle aged Korean business men; when I smoke cigarettes while walking on a cold, cold winter day; when I drink fish cake soup; when I see the growing wrinkles next to my mother’s eyes; when I see the gold teeth in my grandma’s mouth, when I see my grandfather’s denture, when I see a foil wrapped soap in the bathtub, when I find a kimchee bucket in the bathroom, when I unexpectedly find still photographs from of my childhood while packing to move, when I look at my Korean calligraphy trophy….And when I’m lonely at 3am in Boston surfing the web with tears in my eyes…”

Do-er v. Wanter

Before I get into today's discussion, I would like to briefly talk about a book I'm reading.
I'm currently reading:
Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things.

Feel free to look this up. It's a collection of bunch of charming stories written by the story god himself, Neil Gaiman, also the author of the legendary comic book, The Sandman. I must say, Neil Gaiman's stories are very very interesting. Well, interesting is not the perfect word to describe how I feel about his short stories. Perhaps...enticing? eerie? strangely poignant, dark?
Long story short, I highly recommend it. I'm about 60% done, and I definitely have my 3-4 favorite short stories already!

My next books lined up are: Wild Sheep Chase by Murakami and Of Human Bondage by Maugham. Both were recommended to me by avid readers, also very good friends, and I trust their judgement in books, so I'm highly highly excited not to say the least.

Today I'm going to talk about the Do-er v. Wanter. I'm not sure if these are dictionary terms, but I'm not sure if I care too much since we live in a such-the-hyphenated-society. I mean, Woot is the MW's word of the year. Come on! Besides, I'm fobby, so I STILL have an excuse to make up my own words.

So lately, I've been observing lots of Do-ers and Wanters. I define Do-ers as people that do stuff that they like. Example, Samantha loves music, so she picks up the guitar and starts to play. She keeps going, and eventually learns to play pretty well consistently. Generally, Do-ers seem to be mainly focused on their own improvement in whatever they feel passionate about. They're not surfing the web, looking for talented people's websites and drooling, feeling jealous. Here is where the Wanters come in. I've observed lots of wanters lately. Wanters feel overwhelemd by the talent in the world and feel very inadequate. They seem to feel like they don't have the talent to persue their passion. They feel like they're out of time.

"There is no way I can do this on time."
"How can she do that? Oh my god!"

They seem to be looking at other people's work, being impressed by them rather than spending time on improving their own work. The more they search for great work, they feel even more discouraged to really start living out their dream.

What's good? I'm not sure. In my opinion, it's good to be both. It's good to be a wanter, because you are constantly inspired by others' work, but it's also great to be a Do-er, because you're spending this energy to something that is tangible, in order to improve your self, and fuel your passion.

One Hit Wonders and myself...

Today, ladies and germs, I would like to talk about One Hit Wonders. Sorry for the lack of updates. When I started this blog, I promised to myself that I would not talk about my personal stories at all, but I find this extremely difficult, especially when I’m expressing my thoughts and opinions. I keep doing it anyway, so I should just embrace it. Wait, that’s not why I haven’t been writing- it’s all those Sex and the City episodes that I’ve been watching! (Oh, Review about that later, when I finish all the seasons, I’m only on 3rd, and yes, Samantha is my favorite- there I said it!)

Anyway, today, I thought I would come up with my own version of One Hit Wonders songs. I know, I know. VH1 has done it already and it already aired on TV. So? Coming up with any list is fun.

Along with the list, I wanted to talk about my stories with the first couple of songs. Nostalgic? Maybe. Here it goes:

1. Hotel California – Eagles

Anyone know other songs by Eagles? Call me stupid, but I don’t. Hotel California, what an awesometastic song. Listening to this song is like reading a novel. It begins with a beautiful guitar solo that squeezes out all tears from your heart, eyes, and soul. And how could I forget the killer chord progression.

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim

Man, what lyrics! Doesn’t this just paint a portrait in front of your eyes? Long, stretched out two way highway, from Last Vegas to LA? Imagine driving a convertible, and no, not a lame Porche boxter or anything, one of those Cadillac Eldorado (picture below), and your greasy hair and white tank top just dancing in the wind. Badass!



I have a good story with this song too. I think I was a freshman in college. I had a mad crush on this guy, and we were pretty much all intoxicated under dim yellow lights with a couple of other friends. My good friend Jessica came into the room after partying (of course intoxicated as well) and started hanging out with us. And just when I was certain that I had set the mood straight and that this dude was into me, she fucking started singing and dancing to Hotel California! And she didn’t even mess up on the lyrics, she knew all of it from start to finish. How could I win him over? He went to her dorm room that night. I could not help but to love her because of that too. Damn, Eagles, you really do suck ass, but not really. I love this song. The dude and I remained great friends, despite the fact that he managed to screw almost every one of my friends except …yours truly.

2. California Dreaming – Mamas and the Papas

Hmm..I see a theme here. Could I be missing California? This song is so amazing, yet I do not know any other songs by these guys. Although Bobby once told me that the lady in this band had chocked on some chicken bone and died, but I digress. This song also has great intro and pretty much awesome lyrics. But for reason, whenever I hear this song, I miss California.

Isn’t that what music is all about? It takes you to some place else, you fly; you close your eyes, and imagine yourself in a completely different place in a completely different state.

All the leave are brown x 2
And the sky is grey x 2
I’ve been for a walk x 2
On a winter’s day x 2
I’ve be safe and warm x 2
If I was in L.A. x 2
California Dreaming x 2
On such a winters day x 2

(Btw, this x 2 is also another charming part of the song- the alternate voice of the mama…and the papa??)

My personal story with this song involves a HK film Chunking Express. Anyone know this film: The legendary bubble gum poppy aka the most amazing film by Wong Kar Wai? The film has two stories, one with Bridgette Lin & Takeshi Kaneshiro (Did I spell his name right?) and one with Faye Wong & Tony Leung. The second story, with Faye Wong and Tony Leung, is really the ultimate romance that I can only dream about. With the quirks of the characters and the fluffy light hearted attitude,

(Tony Leung: Why do you listen to your music so loud? Faye Wong: That’s because I don’t like to think. Tony Leung: ..You don’t like to think? Faye Wong: *Shakes head)



this was THE film that I could fantasize about; possibly because I see myself as kind of an aloof and quite a bit of a spacecase. Anyway, this song- California Dreaming is played often (Like, every scene), especially when Faye Wong dances with Kitchen appliances at the express food bar she works at. It always reminds me of the first time I watched this film. I think a lot about things I find amazing- people, music, art, films, and how I felt when I met & saw & experienced & read them for the very first time. The lasting impression that first experience of such greatness has on me transcends any joy I experience in life. Do you remember when you watched your ultimate favorite film for the first time? Do you remember how you felt? When you met that exciting guy or a girl? And such an intense connection you shared? The rush of happiness I experienced after watching this film for the first time cannot be described in words.

By the way- in the movie, Faye Wong also dreams of going to California. What is it really? The California love? Is it the weather?

Ok, that’s too much personal stories for today, on onward with the rest of the list!

3. Barely Breathing - Duncan Shiek
Who is he?



4. Put your records on – Corinne Bailey Rae
She’s got some hits- Like a Star is pretty good. But her myspace has three songs. Has she made any more in recent years? Put your records on is a great song- it reminds me of biking under the sun and singing at the same time (which is what this music video essentially is...)



5. Closing time – Semisonic
“I know who I want to take me home…Take me home…ohh” Is that how it goes? Because that’s how it sounds. Semisonic…huh.



6. Torn – Natalie Imbruglia

Ok, ok. Wrong impression was a hit. But what else? This Australian singer swept the American & international chart with this song, and convinced me to have short hair as long as I can remember. This song, to me, is what reminds of the ever so awesome 90’s. Come on. 90’s! Anyone?

7. What’s up – 4 Non Blondes
“Hey yah yah yah Hey yah yah, I said hey! WHAT’S GOING ON!” Need I say more?



Ok, this is it for today. I hope all of you avid readers of my blog enjoyed this somewhat attitude-y post, because I surely did.

Fashion Fashion Fashion...

Fashion, fashion, fashion. Fashion is tricky, especially for me, since what I wear is...less than impressive, but my eyes are wandering all over the place. Living life, I think, makes you a bit lazy about presenting yourself in an aesthetically pleasing manner (That is totally subjective, and here I mean 'looking good to yourself and not others' sorta thing).

I've watched...pretty much every runway from Fashion Week, and I've chosen two of my favorites this year so far, and the winners are: Vera Wang and Gucci. This might seem weird, since there are so many not-so-famous-great designers & brands out there with gorgeous & experimental concepts implemented on their clothes, but I'm speaking from a purely ready to wear perspectives. I love avant garde, I love the great distance in which artists & designers go in turning their visions into realities...but I have to say that most of them- I will never actually wear.

Check out these videos. This Gucci video does a great job of pointing out the highlights of the show. Oh, by the way Gucci's current creative director is Frida Giannini.



The second, is by Vera Wang.



Both of these collections have a few things in common: Beautiful color palette (Earth tone, which is my personal favorite), experimentation with interesting jewelries, and simply, I would wear literally everything from these two collections.

Here are the runner ups. Givenchy, and Stella McCartney.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGJFH2Uno_Q (Givenchy)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVwhvZOH-rQ (Stella)

Here are the links, so check them out. Oh, and Marc Jacobs fans out there- 'blegh' is my conclusion, sorry...

Bojo Fondo Tango Club

My ever expanding music taste/interest has reached somewhere unfamiliar. A friend of mine who recently visited Argentina came back with a couple of CDs. One day, he was giving me a ride home. I was day dreaming in his car as usual, but at some point, I totally caught myself listening to the music he was playing and started really liking what I was hearing. Fresh sounds are honestly pretty rare these days around me, especially graduating college and also moving away from what I’d call awesome music aficionados of Northern/Southern California. This band- that piqued my interest is: Bajo Fondo Tango Club. The band consists of 7 members- all successful musicians on their own, came from mostly Argentina and Uruguay.

How would I describe their sounds? I’m not a professional music reviewer, so forgive my descriptions for they might not sound as accurate or even sophisticated (if you readers even care…) as they should. In my own words, it’s a mixture of Tango, Electronica (especially Trip-hop & low tempo), and a bit of Hip Hop sprinkled here and there. They have this amazing DJ, Luciano Superville who seriously has major talent in dropping the sweetest beats and samples at the right moment in the traditional tango rhythm. If you’re looking for the ultimate chill out music that is not the typical Buddha Lounge Mix #1000 to the Nth power. this might be something you might want to check out.

By the way, I’m not obsessed with the Argentinean culture or anything. They just kinda…showed their faces at me last week and started creeping into my senses, eventually making mihae a very happy panda at the end of this week.

Ernesto Che Guevara

How to understand, then, Che Guevara's pervasive popularity, especially among the affluent young? Perhaps in these orphaned times of incessantly shifting identities and alliances, the fantasy of an adventurer who changed countries and crossed borders and broke down limits without once betraying his basic loyalties provides the restless youth of our era with an optimal combination, grounding them in a fierce center of moral gravity while simultaneously appealing to their contemporary nomadic impulse. To those who will never follow in his footsteps, submerged as they are in a world of cynicism, self-interest and frantic consumption, nothing could be more vicariously gratifying than Che's disdain for material comfort and everyday desires. One might suggest that it is Che's distance, the apparent impossibility of duplicating his life anymore, that makes him so attractive. And is not Che, with his hippie hair and wispy revolutionary beard, the perfect postmodern conduit to the nonconformist, seditious '60s, that disruptive past confined to gesture and fashion? Is it conceivable that one of the only two Latin Americans to make it onto TIME's 100 most important figures of the century can be comfortably transmogrified into a symbol of rebellion precisely because he is no longer dangerous?

The Motorcycle Diaries starring Gael Garcia Bernal (Did I spell his name right?) put me in a difficult spot. Heroic films that portray so called 'legendary figures' in history usually give me bitter taste in my mouth. Aside from the fact that I'm not very interested in obsessing over people, I generally feel manipulated by the directors and the writers to believe "A" side of these legendary figures. And of course, this includes omitting their terrible deeds, often duplicitous nature, or other characteristics that need to be represented for a more accurate portrayal of a public figure.

Motorcycle Diaries, however, was not really about that at all. There is a quote in the beginning of the film that explained what I should be expecting this film.

This isn't a tale of heroic feats. It's about two lives running parallel for a while, with common aspirations and similar dreams.

This, shut me up right away. I caught myself judging a film before I even selected the play button, and was humbled. As the film progressed, I was able to relate to the characters right away. (I mean, come on. Wouldn't anyone in our generation?) Uninspired, Stuck in a routine, with your morals and ethics in trash cans and conviction nowhere to be found. I know (I'm guilty of doing this as well) so many people that want to throw everything away and want to embark on a journey...but do we ever put these words into actions? As we type and click our souls away in nine to five jobs in cubicles, every single one of us dreams of THE trip that could change his/her life forever.

I won't spoil the movie for everyone, but this film is about Che Guevara's road trip to South America- through Argentina, Chile, Columbia, Peru, and how his observation & experiences with the indigenous people of the Latin America started to shape the Che Guevara we know today. From watching this film, I had a chance to take a look at my own morals and ethics.

poignant indeed. =)

Rainier Training

So, I'm not sure if people know, but I'm going to climb Mt. Rainier. Everyone knows about Mt. Rainier? Well, as usual, wikipedia does a better job explaining than my words.

Mt. Rainier is an active^[1] stratovolcano (also known as a composite volcano) in Pierce County, Washington, located 54 miles (87 km) southeast of Seattle, Washington, in the United States. It is the highest peak in the Cascade Range and Cascade Volcanic Arc at 14,410 feet (4,392 m). The mountain and the surrounding area are protected within Mount Rainier National Park. With 26 major glaciers, Mount Rainier is the most heavily glaciated peak in the lower 48 states with 35 square miles (91 km²) of permanent snowfields and glaciers.

It's a freakin active volcano! Holy shit. I hope I don't get attacked by the magma monster as I'm glacier travelling. Well, a bigger problem than getting attacked by the magma monsters is my physique. I've always climbed ever since college, but this is quite an anaerobic exercise. Additionally, I've never been the one to be an endurance athlete, and this worried be quite a bit when I decided to do it.

My co-worker, Annie, has a blog of our training so far: www.rainiergirl.blogspot.com Check it out if ya'll want to see our past training minutes. Continuing with my story: so I decided to give this a try, and actually train for this climb. It'll be a long and hard climb, and I was not entirely sure I was ready for it. Sooo, I broke bank and purchased a road bike, which I started riding to work whenever I could (it's about 6-7miles?). I still climb at Stone Gardens, and I do an ab workout pretty much 2-3 times a week. Having a strong core muscle is especially important since you'll be carrying a 30-40lb pack.

So that brings us to my day today: Annie and I went to this beautiful spot called Wallace Falls near Stevens pass. It was quite a ways from Seattle, but the hike was beautiful. We're both trying to get used to hiking with heavy packs and our uber stiff moutaineering boots. During this hike, I found my first geocache with Annie's help! Holy crap, I was ecstatic. Here is the photo to prove it.

Here is Annie and I:
Annie has a digital SLR, and when she posts pictures, I'll probably update here. Overall, I can see myself improving, I'm not panting the first few minutes on the trail like I used to. 6-7 miles of hike used to frighten me, but I feel relaxed and comfortable these days. We have a Tiger Mt. cable line training hike this Wednesday. We'll probably have 40lb in our backpack, and die with thousand blisters from our boots. Hopefully not- this hike is pretty much up up up with a steep incline, so good luck to our group. Woot!

Sakura Con

Seattle's hottest anime convention Sakura con...um. There is something wrong here. Alright, I don't mean to be a snob or anything, but for an avid anime convention go-er that I am, Sakura con was well- cool but nothing impressive. It could also mean I've grown out of it. Who knows?

Costumes, however, were freakin outstanding for a relatively small convention. There were three huge groups: Naruto (ugh), bleach, and death note. I'm a bit out of the anime loop, but apparently- death note is basically the new hot shit that everyone's been watching. (including the graphic designer from our company)

This above picture is wedding Yuna and Seymour from Final Fantasy X. Holy crap, these costumes are awesome. I don't know if you can see, but this dude has long nails, just like Seymour (Not to mention, he's really got the pose down).

This wedding dress is simply outstanding. It is by far the best Yuna's wedding dress I have ever seen so far. The wings were exquisitely made, and can't forget the bouquet in the back. Some people might think this is dorky and silly, but creating costumes such as these can take months. My old Yuna costume took almost half a year to make.

However, the cosplay masquerade was pretty pathetic. The MC was trying way to hard to be funny, and people did not put nearly as much as effort that they should have to put on a great show.

-Edit-
By Alice's request (<3), I'm adding a few more pictures. Woot!

OMG! MY VERY FIRST POST

Curious about the crazy world that is mine? Wanna know everything I'm wasting my time on? I have major problems with being incredibly spacey and pre occupied most of the time, thinking about LOTS of things and not many to share them with! I have lots and lots of interest in everything from fashion, design, science, technology, music, outdoors, politics, and I want to share that with the randoms around the world. Woot!!!